...when i am older i will be stronger
they'll call me freedom
like the waving flag...
i like this song...
there are lot many first things that happen, and they become special. not the repetations. repetations become boring. we kind of want things different and so dont like things being the same.
in vipasana they teach you where even a single cell in your body is not the same, it keeps changing and they call it 'anichiya'... deepan and we used to relate it with a girl's name to remember it and to make fun... but on serious note, which is not so serious, anichiya meaning also changes from person to person depending on time to time basis.
but that is not what i wanted to write her today...
days have been growing longer even in this winter, sleep comes by very less, and first time dark circles, first time restlessness, firstime hoplesness, first time continouous thoughts that wants to kill the self, like this many first times are ther, but these are all not coming because of something first, it is just part of the repetations that has been happening, which i had missed to note.
if only i would have been looking everything for the first time every other tme i look, if only i would have not been careless to oversee as things are repating, if only...
but now it has happened. whatever. all happens for a reason and the reason is always good. i tell this to myself always. this time for me it looks weird telling that to myself. it is now been more than a year and there is always constant pressure on head. you have one thing or the other coming up and springing up on you and you tell all is for good and other comes, agin you tell the same, but every other step it comes, still you will be able to tell the same thing without sounding weird? i dont know.
but i still tell it, though it gives the weird sound...
ever since i was being inquisitive, i have one question, why do people hold on and try to live this life? during some happy moments i have felt they should live for things like that, a word, a eye contact, a kiss, a hug, a hand shake, a slight sound, a sunrise, a moon ... but the very next moment i know what Agent Smith tells, 'it is ineveitable'. matrix is so much philosophical movie that, every time i watch it it gives me a pleasure, i might watch it soon, just getting that idea, but dont have it :(
the point is right-wrong, good-bad, truth-lie all we decide according to us. when we feel the way we want we define things. i have seen that around me, i myself have seen me doing that. but when i can come out of me and see then i know that it is all nothing. i want it and i did it, no other explanantion stands good. but whatever i do, can someone love you unconditionally? whatever someone does to you can you still love someone unconditionally? i dont think that is possible if we are grown in this world. because we are taught with many things that we cant give our self esteem for anyone, cant let ourselves go down for anyone. can we?
i am in the process of doing that. it is not easy though. i have to fight lot with myself. i make mistaes. i get burnt. i get hit. i break my bones. i have now a zillion pieces of heart. don remember how many bruises i hold, where all did i stitch to keep me in one piece, but one thing, i am trying. in this process i also be myself which ends up hurting people who love me the most. once bitten twice shy is what we are taught in our nursery as part of our education. with that education in head, i always end up losing precious love that i treasure.
one day i would like to stand up tall, even if it about a millimeter from the ground, even if that is during my last breath, smile that same smile i had when i cam out of my mom's womb, and look at everything and feel that thi time
i have grown a lil more older and stronger
am free of whatever that people think of me
am just being myself and have achieved the love
and i can love all equally without any conditions
and there will be noone who can see me and not love me
and it will be only a slight smile
and then
buddha goes to sleep..
they'll call me freedom
like the waving flag...
i like this song...
there are lot many first things that happen, and they become special. not the repetations. repetations become boring. we kind of want things different and so dont like things being the same.
in vipasana they teach you where even a single cell in your body is not the same, it keeps changing and they call it 'anichiya'... deepan and we used to relate it with a girl's name to remember it and to make fun... but on serious note, which is not so serious, anichiya meaning also changes from person to person depending on time to time basis.
but that is not what i wanted to write her today...
days have been growing longer even in this winter, sleep comes by very less, and first time dark circles, first time restlessness, firstime hoplesness, first time continouous thoughts that wants to kill the self, like this many first times are ther, but these are all not coming because of something first, it is just part of the repetations that has been happening, which i had missed to note.
if only i would have been looking everything for the first time every other tme i look, if only i would have not been careless to oversee as things are repating, if only...
but now it has happened. whatever. all happens for a reason and the reason is always good. i tell this to myself always. this time for me it looks weird telling that to myself. it is now been more than a year and there is always constant pressure on head. you have one thing or the other coming up and springing up on you and you tell all is for good and other comes, agin you tell the same, but every other step it comes, still you will be able to tell the same thing without sounding weird? i dont know.
but i still tell it, though it gives the weird sound...
ever since i was being inquisitive, i have one question, why do people hold on and try to live this life? during some happy moments i have felt they should live for things like that, a word, a eye contact, a kiss, a hug, a hand shake, a slight sound, a sunrise, a moon ... but the very next moment i know what Agent Smith tells, 'it is ineveitable'. matrix is so much philosophical movie that, every time i watch it it gives me a pleasure, i might watch it soon, just getting that idea, but dont have it :(
the point is right-wrong, good-bad, truth-lie all we decide according to us. when we feel the way we want we define things. i have seen that around me, i myself have seen me doing that. but when i can come out of me and see then i know that it is all nothing. i want it and i did it, no other explanantion stands good. but whatever i do, can someone love you unconditionally? whatever someone does to you can you still love someone unconditionally? i dont think that is possible if we are grown in this world. because we are taught with many things that we cant give our self esteem for anyone, cant let ourselves go down for anyone. can we?
i am in the process of doing that. it is not easy though. i have to fight lot with myself. i make mistaes. i get burnt. i get hit. i break my bones. i have now a zillion pieces of heart. don remember how many bruises i hold, where all did i stitch to keep me in one piece, but one thing, i am trying. in this process i also be myself which ends up hurting people who love me the most. once bitten twice shy is what we are taught in our nursery as part of our education. with that education in head, i always end up losing precious love that i treasure.
one day i would like to stand up tall, even if it about a millimeter from the ground, even if that is during my last breath, smile that same smile i had when i cam out of my mom's womb, and look at everything and feel that thi time
i have grown a lil more older and stronger
am free of whatever that people think of me
am just being myself and have achieved the love
and i can love all equally without any conditions
and there will be noone who can see me and not love me
and it will be only a slight smile
and then
buddha goes to sleep..
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