first weekend part 1

24/05/2031

(man these days am not able to finish writing one post in one day. horrible! am I working so much!)

Do you know that best time to write is when you are not your senses but with your own senses, little against the awareness part, I know, still, it is truth. Guess Kannadasan also believed in this, he was the bottle man (don’t know what was his brand though). It is his birthday today and am writing this, sheer coincidence. I am not under any alcoholic influences at present, as am in office; my senses are lost in the drift of weariness of the travel I had during the weekend, I can’t call it an awesome trip but still the trip was worth and gave me that feel of travelling when I drank that kova-rosemilk and spoke with that shop owner.

Last Friday was my 32^nd day back in job, trivial information for you all but a life changing episode for me. After 3 years I am back into the same routine, same schedule with even tighter situation and time frames. Don’t worry, am not going to bother you with those details, this is about what happened between that 32 night and this 35^th morning.

I found a chippi in the Bay of Bengal shores while I was searching for a small pebble that I dropped for finding out if my decision was right about my love life. This would not have happened if the government had not passed a new rule for tourist buses to have an additional paper for the safety of the passengers.

I didn’t know anything about this while I had completed my shift for the week and standing in front of a self-service hotel, eating my packed veg-briyani which I had made in the morning. The briyani was good, though I have to improve few more things to get my touch on it. It was after more than three years I met Satish, he was my ex-house-mate, now my travel companion for this weekend.

It all started with us getting into a swaraj mazda van. By the time we reached our actual boarding point the van was leaking with people who had paid their money for this and still dint question anything. Like all other people I was also boarded into my respective bus, semi sleeper, where not eve quarter-sleeper was available and till after midnight we were discussing everything possible to divert our thoughts from physical comforts to end up sleeping on those very same seats.

It was raining during the night, gentle breeze and droplets on my face gave me horrible dreams, don’t know why, still am trying to figure that part out.

Around 6’o clock in the morning I found the bus had been stopped there for more than 2 hours and my actual stop was some 225 km away. The ticket read departure time as 7 ‘o clock IST. The bus was ceased for some missing papers. Finally we were dropped in Vijayawada bus stand and told to find our ways to our destination. That is how my weekend started.

Last day

13/06/2013

What comes to your mind when you read the phrase ‘last day’?

Last day at- your school/college, as a bachelor, as an employee for one employer, of employment, last day of your vacation, of pregnancy, in a marriage/relationship, last moments on someone’s/your death bed(if this comes to your mind then I can tell RGV a story for one his next films with your help)… anything like this might come, but one thing is sure that everyone will have atleast one experience that readily pops out of their memories on reading this phrase; it bringing a smile or a shy depends on the experience and how much you have accepted with it.

Today is the last exam in college for a friend of mine, last day of college life, hostel rooms, night outs with friends who have been around for four years during all the ups and downs and never letting you down, last minute preparations for exams, hanging out in canteens happily though you were sent out from class for not submitting your assignment, that particular freedom of being careless and feel like a bird who has its new wings before the cages, that has already been created (by this society), will capture you in it and make you see the world through its meshes, laughing aloud in a crowded place and bringing smile at people around you, knowing for sure it is wrong and still doing it for the purpose of fun and not meaning any harm to anyone, spending the last childishness that your heart will keep wanting back even on your death bed; this is yet another stop in your life’s journey, where few people get off board and few more will on board, but these people off boarding, at this stage, can never be replaced by anyone at anytime in our lives until and unless the exception rules plays its role for you.

She is sad, very sad actually, for, this day has come. I just told it is all part of the game and to just enjoy it and also do the crying part well; I know it is a very generic and usual stuff to tell, but when people are in emotion you don’t tell all the philosophical statements, instead you have to hear, that is what they want and many don’t understand it, sometimes that also includes me.

Anyways, this post is not about what I spoke or should have spoken but it is about that phrase ‘last day’ and things that sparked from the above conversation. It actually bought me memories about my many ‘last days’ that I have passed, mainly that particular (last) day at college, that last exam exactly, because it is the same situation with hers’, but feelings were different.

Every once in a while when you face such situations your memories come flooding to you, to talk about your past; the same thing happened to me when she told this. That, last, day when we finished our exams as usual, came out and sat in front of the canteen, ate samosas and drank badam milk (this part includes fighting as the part coz the number of people who want to have a bite/sip of samosa/badam milk is usually double than the resource available!); talked about usual things and making fun of everyone crossing us; walked to the train station, on the way again drank fruit mixture in the usual shop to beat the heat, taking photos on the platform, as usual, while waiting for the train; missed few trains to avoid crowd, got into a compartment to make people feel uncomfortable with our jokes and the loud laughter of around 20+ people; as usual, in next four stops few people got down, next two stops I got down with my roommates and friend leaving few behind in the train, they went on it, we walked to our home; again in another usual juice shop we drank juice, walked home, cooked lunch, ate; that evening few more friends joined us after their arrears, all got sloshed and created a mess by throwing up all around including my neighbors doorsteps; next morning, I was the first to pack my bags to leave, all hugged and I left to the station as if it was another vacation that I am going to, not knowing that it has brought a stop to one phase of life.

I don't remember anyone of us talking about or worrying about being parted away, it was not because we were not close, but it was other way round, we understood it and knew that none is going to be far away from one another until he chooses to be like that himself. The point stays true till date.

Now it is been 6 years exactly after graduation. During one such day, we all took our ways of life becoming the adults to pursue our interests and dreams. I turn back at this point to see what has happened, I am not in a least bit worried about anything that has happened till date, though it has made me a little aloof and now I have chosen to stay that way, to be away from many things and people till I figure out things for and about myself, it has been a wonderful journey. I thank all the people who have made me the way I am, out of which my graduation gang has been a great part.

For various reasons we all stay apart physically. We all have our own ideologies developed about life and things around it and believe in them, strongly, which has created invisible layers between each one of us and that can’t be removed, I guess. Mostly all have chosen to become (society’s) family person, which I am not able to become with my sane mind, but that doesn’t mean I discourage them for becoming whatever they have become, it is their choice and I respect it. I would always be happy to share their happiness and sorrows as they are. One such thing is about visiting/attending their special occasions like marriage. The sad part is one or the other way it happens that I am not able to attend any of my best friend’s marriages, where I really want to be by their side, I owe them that; still situations makes me not able to do even such simple things. It makes me sad for not able to do such things for people I care, but isn’t that part of life? I easily accept things as they are and wherever possible I change it the way I want, though these things had become one of those impossible things.

Now I have to be ready to face the heat of it. I know few of these people would be ready to kill me for missing it and I will have to brace myself up for facing them. After all this, I love them and they love a little more than that to kill me ;)

The point here, again, is not about them killing me, but about ‘last day’. We decide something is last because of the time frame and the impossibility of it to happen again. In my experience few last days have been repeated more than once wherein each last day was different from other. Still, I enjoyed all of those moments one or other way. All those days, one by one, have made a neat entry into my memory. Hope everyone can make similar entries without regret and accept with it so that it never sinks you in any despair. After all, last is not last until you make it as last. Choice is always yours.

As usual I have got into digressing mode here too and lost the whole point of this post, still it is where I better end, coz it is already nearly two page, I am not getting to the point as it is been more than few days since I started to write this, so the actual spark has drained in the rains that I got wet and now whatever I have is just the ash of it I guess.

Read it and find if it all makes some sense for you people.