the most depressing post...and it is truth

 i have seen 4 movies and nearly 10/11 episodes of series today...

the whole time i was doing this, my mind is running in the background, one thought, only one, a single thought - how depressing living beings we have become!

as a matter of act, any living organism will do the same, we are not the only ones that is destroying the world. do you know that? if someone is telling that you are destroying the earth and not leaving anything behind for your future generations, then it is bogus. they don't know what they are talking. am sure. even if they know, they will not tell. because that means, they will have to agree that what they are talking is complete nonsense.

imagine you have a house that you live in - you regularly clean it, stay in it, do your usuals. now if the same house is left by itself - come after a year and see the house. what condition it will be in? come after 10 years? come after 20 years? Has the rest of the living organisms left the house for your return intact ? or is it occupied already by them and is ruled by them? don't call it a ruined house, please, i beg you. because, that is where you all go wrong. it is their house and they are keeping it the way they want. they have their relatives, future generations, plan for next year and so on. it is just not for humans. so don't.

this is what everyone misses. we have had a farm, in which we had built a house with so many dreams, love, plans, carelessness, immaturity , stupidity, that we had to leave it after staying there just for few days. after 11 years, come to witness it. you will know what i mean.

our dreams have not changed, our loves have. our future has not changed, but our view towards it. one of our dear friend followed our suit and is in depression now and is going back to his regular job.

i am in a job myself for the fourth time. i am a failure three times. wrong decisions at every turn. no one is to be blamed, but the vision was like that. you become successful when your vision is in right place. is my vision in right place now? at this point i think so, like i thought three other times. who knows, same me might write something later to pin point this past me as wrong or say right, that all is matter of time. one thing that i have been not worried, am still happy about is, the journey. it has been rewarding. at every turn, there have been so many beautiful beings, forces, that have supported, guided, cheered, pushed, threw, hit, encouraged, raged at me. am thankful about it.

the truth is, whatever i did, do or will do will not change anything. if you don't agree, then am sorry, you are wasting your time more by reading this, even though i know you will not listen to that or anything. if that is the case, there have been great many sages, writers, pandits, gurus, philosophers who have told so much more things again and again, still we are not able to trust ourselves, friends, family that we need pet animals with us and call them babies not knowing that we are actually torturing them by keeping them in an unnatural habitat than where they belong to. think about it once if that is even possible.

how many people can take their phone and call talk to anyone they wish to at any time. how many have folks who really loves you unconditionally. how many of you love unconditionally. who all can be happy doing nothing. who all can just walk away at this very moment from whatever they are doing and not worry about tomorrow. who can look at a stranger and ask for a help without hesitation but be assured that they will be helped. how many are thinking about their enemies and the planning revenge. 

yet, we talk about humanity, as if humans are better living organisms than others. all are creativity is to prove that, ain't it?

someday, someone is going to take all this writing and show in much wider medium and wait and watch the comments that would come at that time.

with social media's growth, internet's a availability, we can reach anyone in any corner of the world. yet, what do we use it for? we have so many rich countries, yet there are so many poor ones. why? what is all your '-isms' doing to this inequality? why is it called right and left? right and wrong? are we all not here to just live? why so much fuss about it?

why should you be so important? why is it that there is a class needed? why is there premium things and substandard items? as i write this and ask so many questions as usual i know that i should run away again for the fourth time. it is brhamamuhurtam now. never would it be better to do it. should i? 

for the past year i have earned so much and still i feel i have nothing with me. am always signing the same old panja pattu! i know that i should not do it, yet, i do it. not because that i portray some sad old story to get some sympathies or escape people from asking money from (though sometimes it is true), it is mainly because my needs/expectations have become more than it used to be or needs to be and always leaves me unsettled. my mind always has a calculation running about profit and loss. though am good with numbers, i always have problem in applying it in real life. a big reason am behind too many curves in my financial life.

there is no use with my philosophy, sulking nor anything, this is the route that this world will go through. Did i think that people will stay happy being hunters and gatherers!!! no, never. we are all lost in our own identity. trying to save it one way or another, we are drowning ourselves along with others.

where it will end, i don't know. but there is always an end for everything.

like dark knight, you die as a hero or live long to become the villain. 

my dad has become a villain and my grand mother is a heroine always.

i have understood that. after which now both are just my ancestors. fellow human beings. someone i have had the chance to meet and know a bit. that is it. nothing more or less.

for past 2 years i have been in search of a job after i got my current job 2 years ago. i told myself so, many reasons. now i got a new job and am writing all this. you see, you always know what you want, but can't hide for long. can't cheat yourselves for too long.

i have 93+7 sharing now... would like to make it 7+93 soon... then only whatever i have told above will make sense... atleast to me. 

back in time

 the most famous thought in every human mind probably is this. 

now is far…. past is closer and future seems dashingly scary… 

we are some how wired like this. there gurus who tries to teach you to re wire and concentrate on now(s). how successful they are you can see their organizations and their followers. these are pit stops for recharging not destination in itself. you have to self-realize each and everything. 

there is no use repeating arabic to tamil guy in many different forms until she is hears herself. then what she talks would not be understandable for the chinese women. the show goes on and on… words.. going around like wind. 

self realization is a beauty that you come up with yourself. imprints on you arrange themselves and form a code by themselves. it can neither be made understood nor experienced for others. it’s yours. very personal one .

multiverse is nothing but everyone’s experience of life at this point in time. what i fell see think can’t be felt by the anna who is watching me through the window. who can say who is inside the window ? me or him? in what context? how can you expect someone to even understand it fully.

we all are running with utmost 30% concurrent understanding. rest is just a play of permutations and combinations. 

constantly we are buzzed or buzzing with things in our head. result of this you can feel it outside you. if you just give a small change for the buzz and let it be heard you would miss so many things that you had built your life on. 

i did these things and this has made me sit here and write this. first time i started writing was because some girl told i would be good at it… i continued because i found solace in it… sometimes i wanted someone to read it…. after these years i know it is my personal blog.. i don’t want anyone to read it as it might not make sense to them. i should start writing other stories that i was writing. i feel to write using pen and paper… who knows when that might happen!!!

wishes are wishes 

how did one understand modern art? life is such  a big modern art by itself  

Hello... someday...

 it is about 6 years since i wrote something in this space or any space.

am trying to find out when and why did i write my last post. i vaguely remember it, but i have meant all those words and still feel the same. still i go ahead to write this and more. not because i have something to tell nor someone should know what i have in mind, it is just....

this is exactly the feel because of which i started writing and continued it for a long time, offline and online. let's see how this goes. 

Sujatha is a writer who has inspired many, i am one such inspired by him

have been telling a friend of mine to continue writing, let's see if that happens.

this evening while i was driving back to home, my Woody boy was roaming on the road and started running after the car as soon as i called out his name, he ran nearly for about 2 km.

what have i done to deserve that love!

last week of last year was a revelation in many senses and ways. actually every second is a revelation if we are aware of them. usually we miss them. i have missed them mostly. 

life is beautiful, kind, gentle, wild, smart, clever and all other adjectives you want to add. life is life once we are ready to live.

somewhere down the line i have found few things which shows that i am in a trap and cycle myself. my cycle is something that i try to escape everytime and have formed my own cycle. 

how many have been watching 'dark' series? where is beginning? where is the end?

what is difference between 'business' and 'monopoly'? what are we teaching kids to play? is that even right to teach them such games and expect them to be kind and not be profit minded after they grow up? how can you tell them to be righteous and be selfless? has any parent thought about this?

have you ever been affected by 'conjunctivitis' during winter? did your vision reduce after that? did you see halo around lights after this? is it affecting your driving skills during night?

what will you tell your friend who makes his mind and then tell you are no more worth to be around with?

why should i ask everything as a question?

it is how it is...

beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder...

life happens you live or not...

you don't write shit without meaning, it is words that pour to show your mind...

i like writers who do not use punctuations.might be next one will be without one.

one way communication it is always

we are born, admired, pampered, fed, grown, treated well, shown great things, told wonderful stories, touched rightly before it becomes bad hand's touch, taught truth of life, experienced reality, shattered dreams, burnt fingers, heavenly blessings in disguise, given hope, shown path to walk past everything with or without consciousness, see birth, death, suffering, we pamper, admire, feed... and story continues until there is a point before we stop our breath. between all this there is space, where we see glimpses, we see how we are struck in the cycle, we think about how to escape this, before we are swept off our feet by our cycle and it's speed and overwhelming presence.

waiting to see people who walked out of the cycle and hear their experience how cycle is from outside...

waiting is something we can do or we can break the cycle and try to be the rebel. rebels i have seen have been one sided of the multi-faceted scene. none has given something that is whole. everything and everyone are selfish.

it is not about being pessimistic, but it is how the reality is...

imagine, the things you call as weeds, insects which are harmful for your crops are also living things which are trying to survive. just because you want a better crop, you do not want those around you. if these weeds/insects are bigger, stronger and are able to create humanicides, won't they happily spray on us so they can survive happily ever after! there is a constant fight, there is a constant competition, if you agree or not. 

you have to live your life... birth and death we are sure off... now lets not try to be sure off anything else...

the rameswaram temple that i saw couple of days back gave me a question which keeps me thinking hard, how can we say our life is improving if we are not able to build anything close to such temple and create an energy centre like that. how can we say our life is better from past and we are growing, learning from past if we are still fighting for petty issues. how can we not have time for ourselves. how can there be no space for good things. ages back also there was a guy who came kidnapped other person's wife, and there was war or there was brothers who wanted all of the empire so they fought and we still are doing same things. the stories are still repeating and we tell we have evolved to be better humans. we have better life. we are better at things now. how can we say that. i would not be able to say that. 

someday we all can agree on this. 

someday we all do not see things as good and right, black and white, profit and loss, like and dislike..

someday we all treat each other as we treat ourselves

someday we shall live our life

i start it today with me as one person in that list

someday this count will start to increase

someday is not far away

....

nothing more to say 

nowhere to go 

no one to see

the wait is coming to an end.

what is certain?

what is fixed? 

what will never change?

what will never fail you?

what can you rely on?

what will take you close to truth?

what is that one think which makes you stay alive?

as usual, so many questions without any answers. there is a small change this time. I am not trying to find any answer. I am sitting here passively observing what is going around me. I have become completely excluded from all. only thing that keeps pressing me is why all this? why did I go through all this? what is waiting on the other side?

I guess I have come close to that. am getting visions. Newton's third law is working. my ball is coming back in the same speed that it went. 

wait till it reaches me. 

lucky bastard

what is the constant feel that is inside you that keeps pressing, that which fuels all your actions, right or wrong, that one which makes you what you are and that one which gives you the image.

now when you tell image, it is purely relative to the person seen by the person seeing in a given situation, so image can change, an ever changing one. you can try this by just taking your phone, switching on the camera, going around any object of interest in a 360 degree angle while you watch the image on the screen. you would see it move from a flushed out screen to a beautiful frame to a silhouette, provided the object is always available on the screen and you have enough light for it to be seen by your phone camera. 

the thought, the image and then comes your decision and actions.

isn't it funny to think that you would have taken a different decision and course of action, have you had known that the image of something was different.

but, no, in a given situation at a given point of time, you have nothing but a choice that you already have made with your limited thought and image of that particular situation.

so, we all are walking with bright light on our eyes, into a dark ally, where you might encounter anything.

are you ready to face that anything and still keep your smile on your face?

please see this video

i have been doing this and now ready to continue it. i might not know what am doing are what i have to do, but i will never stop following my heart, which leads me into any ally. it is the world i have chosen and am happy about it for making me what i am and what image it has created of me.

crazy, maniac, loser, obedient kid, loafer, careless boy, womaniser, pervert, poor fellow, lucky bastard.... 

monkey's party on the house

the mighty size of this world and the universe within it and the milky way that has all it has kept me inquisitive as much as each living cell which contains its nucleus and which further goes to proton and neutron and so forth to nano levels that we know as of yet. how much we know and how much yet to be known.

last afternoon, i went out for a walk. the place right now am is in elite part of the city covered with lots of greens that we have monkeys come time to time searching for their food or you can also tell among the monkeys place we have built our houses, it all depends on who is reading this. anyway, i left my windows open before leaving, which is a forgetful act that i got to know when i was halfway through my destination.

I proceeded still, not making any effort to come back to correct it. i was ready for it on the corner of my mind i guess. I returned happily after an hour.

My kitchen was a mess, technically it is a single room with a small portion that I call as kitchen on far right end. most of the ingredients were on the other side of the window. many pockets opened and spilt all over, tomato juice drops and skins that lay around, a dried bread crumb packet broken and spilt over the stove. I knew exactly what had happened, they had enjoyed their feast, those monkeys, good. I ate my dil kush slowly and enjoyed it, my time to enjoy it. I was not angry or worried about cleaning the mess. it just gave me a chance to know more on what is what and helped get more closer to the idea that is growing.

in the movie lucy there is a dialogue, 'when people know everything they would not be greedy or jealousy to violent'. this keeps coming to my mind very often whenever i try to see a reason behind something.

if you have seen avatar, which i guess most of you would have done, you would see how humans call the navis as monkeys and tell them to get out of the living tree so they get their mineral worth trillions.

right now am reading, 'small is beautiful' by vintage schumacher. he explains so nicely how we have been pondering into our non-renewable one time wealths on earth to just have a short term sophistication which would lead to further pondering without giving peace. he had written it nearly half a century ago and it relates so close even now when I see around.

I see how the monkeys go around, enjoying their feast, not worrying about that the mess they are causing. they don't care, they just want plentiful, which they are not ready to share among their own species. it is just, what they call as 'survival of fittest'. 

Am happy if you live in your moments, but are you ready when the moment comes to depart, are you ready to see your off springs go around for something that you used lavishly just to prove a point, are you ready to get extinguished from this planet. if your answer is ye, please enjoy the party, it is on the house anyways.